Happy 1year Birthday Becket!

 Small Birthday celebration this year. Cards from the kids and a gift and card from Grandma Risa.

 I Love you Becket! Oh, how I love you! You make me so happy! I still get up with you throughout the night because my heart goes out to you and your itchy little body. You are such a trooper. You are such a smiley happy baby when mommy is near and you melt my heart over and over. You are so playful and love to be silly and get tickled. You love to share your food and eat with a fork (with help!) You crawl and stand with strength and you will be walking soon, I think. Your skin has improved since we cut out nursing and allergens. You eat almost the same thing everyday because you seem to have reactions to everything new I try.

Breakfast: Oatmeal with maple syrup, flax and wild organic blueberries
Lunch/Supper: Brown Rice/Quinoa and Green Beans/Broc or Peas and wild caught Salmon/Grass Fed Beef /Pastured Pork/Bacon/Beans and Apple/Raspberries

You are officially allergic to:

• Eggs
• Bananas
• Soy
• Milk
• Peanuts
• Coconut
• Latex

You also have problems/reactions to:

• Citrus
• Tomatoes
• Potatoes
• Corn
• Allergy Free Toddler Formula 
• Avacado

You REALLY want to eat what we eat. 

 You flip carefully through pages of books and I have not seen you rip a book yet! You LOVE to imitate. I love your clicking communication noises. You say, "Dada" "Mama" "Ga (Gus)" "Naaahh (GianNa)." You prefer not to share mommy and will push siblings away if they get to close. You love and get a kick out of Augustine and Gianna.

 I can't wait to watch to see how you keep growing. EVERY morning I LOVE seeing you anew and loving your beautiful body. I give you baths every morning and love our quality time together. I find it's the best way to start my day!

Success! Gluten Free/Dairy Free/Nut Free/ Egg Free/ Everything Free cupcake!

I choose this moment...

I have a hundred things I could be doing right now. As I'm sure you all do to. So, thanks for stopping to read my post! ...that being said I choose this moment and I live in it. I've been doing a lot of that lately.

I've been on an organizing and cleaning kick lately. But, don't worry, know one could tell. Because, well, I DO still have kids that destroy everything they touch. I can't even tell you how often I catch myself wondering how everyone else is doing it all. This is what I've come up with:

1. They have help.
2. They don't sleep.
3. They have older kids to help.
4. Something gives.
5. Their husbands are around more to help.
6. Their kids aren't as needy.

Number 4 is what I'm focusing on. I'm not looking to compare I'm just really trying to figure out a system. A magical system. A place of peace and contentment. I'm finding I must find it in the mess. All three of my kids want me. ALL. THE. TIME. They want to be held and loved constantly. I truly LOVE that part of my job! But I want a perfect home to... Can I have both? Some moments are picture perefct. I have laundry going the whole house tidy, floor vacuumed, main room dusted, dishes done, dinner in the crock pot and scones cooling and I'm rolling on the floor laughing with my kids. And some moments, like this morning, I was curled up on the couch with Gianna and Augustine watching Tinkerbell Movie on the big screen licking suckers. No one had eaten breakfast, I didn't have the dishwasher emptied yet, I had no plan for supper, let alone having it started, We were in our PJs. But Augustine was sick and Gianna was in desperate need of being held (like she is all the time). So I let it all fade away. I kissed cuddled and enjoyed my cuties until Becket woke.

And then...

They all started crying and screaming for my attention. Just ask Jeremy, he still has ringing in his ears. I know I do. At one point all three were begging to sit on MY lap. While Jeremy sat on the couch with a perfectly lovely lap, wide open. And if you must know... I AM still in my PJS. There, I said it.

So what sometimes happens is the flurry of crazy quickly whisks away my sweet moment. BUT I reflect tonight and remember, in that moment, in each moment, I was present. At least I think I was. Hee hee. :-)

Tonight I frantically was memorizing lines for the play I'm in.

 It's about the third hour total I've been able to put into memorizing and I have to be off book tomorrow night. Yikes! I am not a night person so having the only available memorizing time be  at 9:30pm is painful for me. But it's all good and I am SO pumped to be in this show. My mommy brain appears to be leaving me alone when it comes to memorizing and I hope that bodes well for my chance of avoiding Alzheimer in the future.

I am SO thankful for this day. I loved watching Gianna and Becket bond through playtime while Augustine was on the couch all day. I love putting Augustine down for nap last and reading our chapter book together in his sun-shining room. We finished "Grk and the Poletti Gang" and are now reading "Grk Smells a Rat."

My kids have a lot of various personality traits but one of the traits they all share the most is affectionate and loving. They love each other and me SO much. They eagerly are giving kisses and hugs to my leg or knee or nose. Becket is experiencing some serious smothering by Gianna right now and it is adorable.

We literally had a fight about who's baby Becket is. "He is MY baby brother. (kissing him affectionately) But he is MY baby. (me tickling his tummy). etc. etc.. You know she, the two year old with chocolate-eyes-you-could-melt-into, won. Augustine steps into the doting and caring older brother role quite perfectly. He is often sweetly reminding Gianna of the house rules and comforting her when she is an emotional wreck. He also smothers Becket as well and loves on him dearly.

I can say all that because I also shared how I'm still in my pjs and I let my kids have suckers (although they WERE organic AND it was only after Gianna took her fermented cod liver oil) for breakfast.

I know I will keep striving for perfection but I also know I need to have peace in the imperfection or I won't love my life.

A Golden Birthday Reflection: 30 years

As a kid I always dreamed of my Golden Birthday on the 30th of November.

My first Birthday! Thanks Mom and Dad for giving me life!

30yrs old. Bummer, people won't even care about my birthday when I'm 30. Man, I won't even care then. I wish my Golden Birthday was the 15th of November.

Flash forward to today. I think this day is so special because I really remember thinking those thoughts. Year after year. 11/30/84. How well do I know those numbers. Now that the BIG day is here (and in the adult world 30years old IS a big deal!) I can't help but notice how different a person I've become. My hope for the day was that it would be fun, relaxing and full of surprises. My dear amazing husband is amazing at making things special. I mean amazing! He will burn himself out to make me feel special.

11/30/84

2am I am awakened by my crying 4yr old... His foot fell asleep and it hurts bad... but I can sleep in. So instead of rushing him and hushing him to bed as quickly as possible knowing I'll be up feeding my baby in a couple hours, I wrap him up in my arms and bring him downstairs to snuggle by the tree. We rocked for an hour while I reflected and enjoyed the peace.

"I welcome this new year in by rocking my 4yr old back to sleep by the tree in this Silent Night. May I bless and honor God and those around me. May I love and live fully for Christ today and forever! Happy New Year to me!" -FB Post

I slept in until 10am.... lazied in bed. Took a slow hot shower in the quiet house. Got dressed leasurly. Anyone with kids knows this is a pure gold start to the day!

And then I get greeted with this chorus of Happy Birthday GOLDEN joy!!

I love the quiet. I love the peace. I love to think and reflect and re-charge. But this... THIS is what makes me feel fully alive and fully joyful!

It only lasted about a minute but I had to take a picture because it will be my forever memory of this day. Jeremy's exausted sleep deprived face leading the kids in a chorus of song and cheer and love. It speaks volumes of his deep sacrificial love for me. Gianna's beaming smile that radiates love as if it really was pure golden sunshine. And then Augustine hands me a card he made for me and wrote. As I read it I laughed and cried at the same time. It was so meaningful. He is amazing with words and expresses them beautifully. I just wanted to read it over and over and over!

"Mommy -
I love you so much - I love playing with you and I love you saying jokes to me.* :) I know you. And I love you for your birthday and I love you cuz your heart is beeping (this is where I start to cry harder) and I really, really love you. And I know how you feel about me. Augustine (Back: We will get you an awesome treat!)"

*I just read a book to Augustine yesterday that asks questions at the end of each story. One of them was about how the little bear knew his mommy and him had fun together because they joked together about things. It was like Augustine wrote that just for me as an inside secret code.

Becket pretty much was desperately trying to get into my arms. Babies love like no one else. As the three of them rushed off to mass I nursed Becket while sipping my coffee and eating my "breakfast in bed." Becket stares up at me like I am God. Because to him I am. I am everything. I satisfy all his needs. He clings to me with joy and desperation. He melts into my arms and stares up at me with totally agape. It's amazing.

And then I reflect in our embrace as I'm still leaking tears of joy. This is what 30years has brought me.

 My wonderful family and parents who gave me life!

My "beeping heart"

... my life.

 My tears.

Joys.

 Sacrifices.

I've traveled to 15 different countries:
Spain
England
Switzerland
France

Austria
Mexico
Australia

New Zealand
Wales
Ireland x2

Scotland
Greece

Italy x5

Germany

Canada


I've been to almost every state in the US.

I've become a professional Actress and Ballroom Dancer.

I have a double major Bachelors Degree.

I studied abroad in England.

I graduated from UW Green Bay Summa Cum Laude.

I've worked in my dream job.

I have never wavered in my devotion to Christ and my faith. (Thanks to God's grace!)

I have failed. I have tried again. I have quit. I have never quit.

I am blessed.

I ran a half marathon.

My body participated in creating Augustine Joseph Paul April 2nd, 2010.

....and Gianna Rae Ann April 28th, 2012

...and Becket Robert Mark Francis January 24th, 2014

I married the man I have prayed for since I was a child. The man who calls me to greatness and helps me grow in holiness! My best friend!

My greatest blessings are my faith, my husband and my children. My worldly possessions and achievements pale in comparison to them. The world tells me that my last five years of my life dedicated to my family in the mundane pursuit of holiness are a waste. They are less important and less impressive. That the list of impressive things I could have achieved and roles I could have played would look better on paper. That's why paper doesn't matter. It's blood that matters. I know and often have to repeatedly remind myself that commanding hundreds of audience members with my performance or running a successful business is less important than raising souls. Not that the other is not important. However, God has called me to the diapers, cleaning, cooking and growing and protecting children in my womb and scarred and stretched body. It is valuable. To support my husband in prayer and love while he beats the pavement working for a cause we both are on fire about. To raise up my children day by day to contribute love to the world and to bless the world with their un-repeatablity. Whoa, what a huge job. Yet, it is so buried in dirty diapers and messy houses it's hard to see.

Thank you God for these 30 years. I am blessed beyond measure.